Benji’s Blog

Day 51 – So Benji and I have discussed our eating arrangements of late. Being just the pair of us it was normal for me to sit down with my dinner with a plate on my tray. Benji on showing interest would then get the occasional morsel hand fed to him. We then decided that might not be terribly hygienic what with him licking my hands while I was eating so we progressed to me putting a little on the side of the tray. A few days ago Benji turned round and said (you got it) “woof woof woof” by which he meant you know you are going to give me some so why don’t we do this the civilised way. Basically he wants his own bowl at tea time with me. So the other day he has spaghetti a la biscuits and we sat down like civilised people/chihuahuas.

Day 50 – So Benji and I have had to discuss working arrangements what with me working from home. He isn’t happy that I spend hours at the laptop working during the day. He did try sitting on my lap whilst I was working but was rather intolerant of me wanting to type while he wanted his ears scratched. On top of that I couldn’t see past his tail. “Woof woof” I know it’s your best feature but I can’t see round it to the keyboard. 

Day 49 – Benji has taken his new found fame a bit far and has decided that he now needs a Family crest and Motto. Guess who he expects to create it. When he said “woof woof woof” he basically indicated he wanted a simple colour scheme involving turquoise (the colour of his collar and rain coat) and burgundy (to signify the blood of a thousand rats). I’m thinking he may have delusions of grandeur when it comes to his rat hunting skills. He’s mentioned that he wants his status as a ratter included in the motto as well. Probably not a 2 minute task. Just as well we are in lockdown. I expect I’ll have to plan one out for him just to keep him happy. A stroppy chihuahua is all I need!

Day 48 YAY it’s Saturday which means a lie in (um not sure I will know the difference) and later this evening Randy and the Rockets are on. 

You may not be aware but Benji and I have quite a relaxed morning routine where we sit down, have the first hot drink of the day and discuss what’s happening in the news. Today on reading the BBC news reports Benji’s overwhelming comment was “WOOF” which I translated as see I told you!

Benji then went on to explain he hadn’t been too impressed with the last week saying  “woof, woof, woof” basically he says he hopes the weather gets better soon as he is fed up of damp fur and muddy paws. When I told him to man up he replied “woof woof woof” and I guess he really does have a point as drying your fur is a bit of a nightmare if you have to lick your fur dry. I apologised of course.

Day 47 -So Benji has received a message from a pigeon called Pat. Ralf and Sofia have decided to elope. To be honest I think it’s for the best as his Rat Pack (Rat Mafia at its worst) are a rough lot and rather intolerant of mixed species relationships. As a mixed species couple Ralf and Sofia have decided they also want to adopt and are awaiting news on a little chipmunk called Oakley (which incidentally they think is an awesome name. They heard that Benji’s youngest fan was called Oakley and loved the name). They plan on setting up home in an undisclosed location as due to Ralfs family being Rat mafia Ralf for a certain amount of information has been offered witness protection by the forest council. He Sofia and little Oakley are all being given new identities and the chance of a better life.

I got Benji to send a message back with Pat the pigeon wishing them well for the future. 

Day 46 of Benji and I have been listening to some music whilst I’ve been working from home but he is a little sick of my playlists. In his words “woof woof woof woof” which was basically  him saying he has come up with his own playlist of his favourite tracks. 

1. It started with a woof
2. All out of chow 
3. Great woofs of fire
4. Dirty old towel
5. I still haven’t found what I’m woofing for
6. The rodent sleeps tonight
7. When you woof nothing at all
8. Biscuits in the jar
9. (Don’t fear the) Clipper
10. Don’t worry be yappy 
11. Every bite you take
12. Where have all the biscuits gone 
13. Where the dogs have no name 
14. Doghouse in your soul
15. Do ya wanna yap
16. All I’m missing is chew
17. Accidentally in mud
18. All around my flat
19. Rat out of hell
20. Born in the PDSA
21. First time I ever licked your face
22. Puppy on the loose
23. Long haired chihuahua from Liverpool
24. Only chew 
25. Over the rainbow bridge
26. Peeing on a lamppost 
27. The Piddle
28. The coat must go on
29. I’m a retriever
30. Puppy be good
31. The Weimaraner sleeps tonight
32. Telegraph pole
33. You ain’t seen nothing vet

Plus a few all time favourites from my list 

1. Bark at the moon
2. There’s a rat in my kitchen
3. Hound dog
4. Who let the dogs out
5. If I could teach my chihuahua to sing
6. Your latest trick

I suspect that will keep us going for a while.

Day 45 – So what of Ralf and Sofia I hear you say. Well thanks to Benji acting as a go between between Ralf the Mouse (rat) and Sofia Squirrel  they had their first date last night. Apparently it went quite well Benji was saying. Ralf thinks she was quite touched by his poem. It was quite well planned as obviously Ralf and Sofia couldn’t be seen fraternising on our patch. Ralf headed out of our patch to the left side and Sofia to the right and they met up in the grounds of a nearby school after Benji created a bit of a diversion by woofing at anything that moved in our grounds. Anyway Ralf was so hyper after his date that he drank a little too much of the acorn wine and was swinging from our bird feeder singing rugby songs at 2am. 

Day 43 – I was woken by “woof woof woof woof woof” this morning. This is quite chatty for his royal highness Benji. Well Benji had determined I had spent enough time lounging around in bed whilst there were lampposts to water, Squirrels to talk to and Rats to threaten.

Having purchased a hand pressurised water spray last week we waited for a nice warm day to hose out all the rat poop and squirrel bones from under our car bonnets. When I say we I should state Benji, Jane and I supervised the depooping of our cars whilst Kealeigh did the hard work. Social distancing was observed. Benji felt vindicated after all is evening woofing at the rats when he saw just how much rat poop we cleaned out. 

Benji has also heard that he has a fan of his blog and wanted to say to his youngest fan Oakley “woof woof woof” which translated means “thank you for following my blog”

Day 42 – Benji and I are at this stage of lockdown now.

As I’m sure you have probably realised Benji and I have a rat problem (Ralf excused obviously) but today we took quality time to watch squirrels together. They are much rarer at the moment than rats who appear to be swarming.

So after spending some time away with the squirrels I can’t promise that I won’t woof next time I see a Squirrel- Benji says “woof woof woof” by which he meant it’s a natural progression for me to start woofing. I’m not convinced as I feel my judgement might be a tad impaired I am after all taking artistic advice from a chihuahua

Day 41 – This week the vermin wars took to a new direction. After the beginning of the week when they were extremely brazen in broad daylight jumping into our cars to do whatever they wanted to our engines things are looking up. The pest controller visited and put bungs in the bins to close off easy access (Benji did warn Ralf to take a holiday). Kealeigh and Peter jet washed the inside of the bins and the bin cupboards which was not a pleasant job but they did a fantastic job of it. Hopefully we will start to see less of the furry little critters.

Obviously being Saturday again Benji says check out Randy and the rockets live gig on Facebook but if you are looking for something a tad calmer and more chihuahua oriented try this instead.

Cha cha cha chihuahua song!